tinsely poo and other ways divine powers get their chuckles from my life

I have a mostly retarded cat. The only thing that saves it from being categorized as completely retarded is its innate understanding that when I scream, it should seek cover. I wish it was completely retarded. (More on this in a minute.)

We discovered two Christmases ago that tinsel is a seasonal favorite for Aqua. The vast similarities between Christmas tinsel and Easter grass were somehow lost on me this year.

Now, let’s combine the above tidbits and throw in the fact that Aqua does not like to be chased...by anything...at all...ever.

Imagine the mayhem when, upon attempting to return from the little kitty’s room, she discovers she is being followed by a rather stinky-poo version of soap-on-a-rope: kitty chow that she ate three days ago...you know, shortly after she consumed the festive and fluffy appetizer of Easter grass that said kitty chow is now clumped around and dangling from. My reaction to this accellerating kitty train of horror? Why, a horrified scream, of course.

Remember the single fact that keeps my cat from being completely retarded?

Now I have a mostly retarded cat hiding out somewhere in the house with the Easter version of Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo...or what’s left of him. (And THAT is the greusome part.) I see much carpet scrubbing in my future.
And I think I may write to Dave Letterman and let him know the Top Two Reasons Heather Will Be Boycotting Holidays Honoring Jesus.

*hoochielicious

"Mommy, what’s divorce mean?"

"Divorce is when two people who are married decide that they could be happier not living together anymore. They go to court and file papers. After that, one of them moves to a different house and tries to pick up the pieces of his life while the other one goes out and acts like a hoochie."

"Mommy, what’s a hoochie?"

Passion

Ever get that feeling that the energy of your being is too large for the confines of your body? You know, it starts as a vibration in your spine and works it's way into your lungs and heart and you can feel that energy beating into your finger tips....your toes. The longer you feel it, the more you want to run and shout and laugh and cry....
Inspiration.

Ok. Probably just me :P

books and covers

i love books. i love, love, love, love books! me + books = <3. especially used books. see, they have a few stories to tell.

obviously, there is the story drawn with words for which you acquired the book in the first place. but that is there whether the book is new or old, engaging or boring. it doesn't tell you about the journey of that book...who that book is.

check to see if the spine of the book is wrinkled or cracked. maybe it is permanently arched. that means it has been opened many times. people like what is between the covers of this one.

are the pages dog-eared? someone made time to read this book in their hurried life. maybe it was in five minute intervals between picking up the kids and making dinner, but someone carved out time for this book.

i like finding food stuck on the pages. not whole slices of pizza pressed like a culinary wildflower, but crumbs and smears. this book was so entertaining it went on a lunch date!

have you ever found a swollen and wrinkled book? more importantlyly, have you ever made one? the bathtub book. most bookstores consider this kind of book damaged and will not put it back on their shelves. it's a shame, really. if someone is willing to share their personal, honest to goodness down time with this book, it is worthy of reading.

i like to read the books that people loved. the crisply perfect and pretty ones on their precisely maintained shelves are too good for me. so i guess they, in their untelling covers, can stay right there.